I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
