I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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