I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
