I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
