didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
