i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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