I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
