My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
