gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
