my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
