dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
