Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Mom said you looked used
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
