While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
