Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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