My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She announced her abortion via fbk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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