I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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