There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
