I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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