I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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