My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
