I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize