She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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