I'm so fucking centered right now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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