I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
