Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
