all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
