i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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