Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
