I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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