I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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