I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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