I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
