I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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