I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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