Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
