Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
