so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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