I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
