Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
