If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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