i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
