I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Pants are for mortals
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
