Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
