You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
