just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
