he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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