is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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