i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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