remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
