My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
