just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think my fart just growled at me.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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