I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They have beer where we have blood.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
