well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
