I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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