whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
