Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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