Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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