She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
