Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
