Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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