In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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