you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
