I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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