I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
