Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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