Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
