craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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