How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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