Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
